Communication

About the Word

Communication is the state of enabling communion, or oneship, with another or others. As individuals, you have our own states, possessions, feelings, thoughts, plans, and awarenesses; but, unless you can communicate these things to others, they cannot impact the Whole of All That Is. They are part of the All, but at the same time, apart from the All. Communication brings them into the awareness of the other parts, making Wholeness possible.

The word Communication comes from the Latin communare, which means to become as one with.

Purpose of Communication

The purpose of Communication is to allow the other parts of the Whole to perceive you clearly, and for you to perceive those other parts clearly, as well. When this System is strong, others can understand you and you can understand them; misunderstandings don't occur.

At A Glance

The Throat provides most of us with the ability to speak. The ears are connected to the throat and they provide most of us with the ability to hear. Together, the throat and ears assist us in relating to other beings. While they are not the only means of communication, it is inevitable that the primary means of communication for our species is centered at this area.

Significance

Communication is the imparting or interchanging of thoughts, opinions or information by speech, writing, thoughts, energy, signs or movement.

Although we are all One, you are currently having experiences as Distinct Beings. This is part of the Divine Plan. While ONA helps teach you to obtain and maintain contact with that higher self, you must also retain your individuality for the current experience. Learning to be a Whole Self means both contact with the Highest Self, which you all share and in which All is One, and retention of your individuality.

At the levels of the Highest Self, no communication is necessary. At the levels of individuality, communication is required both to express that individuality and to appreciate the individuality of others.

Communication need not be verbal. In fact, universally speaking, it seldom is! Most objects communicate via the exchange of energy forms. For example, when you look at a sunset, you are receiving photons—light particles—from the Sun, the sky, and the clouds. If you weren't there to enjoy the sunset, there would be no "sunset". The Sun doesn't experience sunsets; neither does sky or clouds. Your presence creates the gestalt that we call a "sunset".

There is nothing in this Universe to which you do not relate via the exchange or communication of energy. True, most of those relationships—your relationship to a particular grain of sand on a beach of the fourth planet orbiting Alpha Centauri, for example—are not significant enough to concentrate on in most circumstances. But, it is important to remember that a person or thing need not be present for your relationship to it to be affecting you. In fact, it need not co-exist with you in present time. Your relationship to a long-dead relative or a future, anticipated child, may well affect your present experience. Communication occurs in the form of energy exchange—and, yes, you can exchange energy through the time barrier. You can even "affect the past", altering your memories and attitudes, and those of others, regarding past events. You can similarly affect the future.

System Seven emanates from the throat. This is a cue that relationship involves communication, since most Humans communicate verbally, and your voice issues from your throat. That's not the only kind of communication. Have you ever watched puppies at play? They wrestle and bite each other lightly (or not so lightly!) until the loser turns his vulnerable throat to the winner, who pretends to bite it. They are communicating status to each other…that is, they are defining their relationship.

Changing The Past

You don't need a time machine to re-engineer the past. Any past events that trouble you are available to you for re-engineering through meditation.

Once you have relaxed and centered yourself, placing yourself into a meditative state, image the events leading up to the events you wish to alter. Make the image as realistic as possible. Recall the smells, the sounds, the physical sensations of actually being there. You'll know you're "in" when additional details fill in without your having to effort in order to visualize it.

Then allow the scene to progress to the occurrence you wish to alter…and alter it. You can effectively change anything you do, and others' reactions to what you do—but for best results, do not try to alter actions initiated by others.

Continue through your life to the present, stopping to "correct" any memory that would not have happened as a result of the new sequence of events.

It may take more than one run-through to solidify the altered events in your mind. Remember, the desired goal is for you to perceive the event differently. However, reports have been received from people that have done this that sometimes the other people involved in the event begin to act as if that is what happened in their memory, too.

I RELATE

The active intelligence that creates statements of Communication is in the form of I RELATE.

I RELATE comes in a variety of forms. I RELATE statements are made which apply to the Integral Inner Aspect, the Integral Field, and the System of Communication. Inner Aspect statements refer to the quality of how you communicate; Field statements refer to your relationships, and System statements describe your communications with the universe beyond yourself

Examples

Inner Aspect

The Seventh Inner Aspect is that of being Integral. This provides the mechanism by which you relate. As with all the other principles, the Inner Aspect works with the Seventh Field, supplying the mechanism by which information in the Field is accessed and maintained.

A person might relate "well" to others, or badly; he or she might relate best when happy or sober or on sunny days. Remember that "others", in this topic, is not just other people; you relate also to animals, minerals, events, and everything else.

The reason for the name, Integral, is that this is the mechanism that assists you in creating the boundary between self (small "s") and non-self. The Innermost Self is One with All; the individual self is distinct from all other expressions of All. As a Whole person, you are both one with all and distinct; the Seventh is the Inner Aspect that maintains that distinction.

Unhealthy Inner Aspect

An unhealthy Seventh Inner Aspect is evidenced by a lack of boundaries. How does that feel? It feels like everyone and everything is intruding on you, things are not going smoothly, friends and relatives make demands, and you are frazzled just trying to keep up.

When you are not clear regarding your boundaries, others are quick to take advantage of what they subconsciously perceive as additional resource. After all, if you aren't clear about what is you and what isn't, how can others be? Each of us must maintain our own boundaries.

At a lesser level, it is possible for you to be clear on your boundaries in general…but not with one or two specific people. Often these will be your parents, lovers, spouses, or children. It's easy to spot those people; they're the ones we are generally in conflict with. You find yourself doing things for them you feel you don't want to do, or not doing things you do want to do because they would disapprove.

Now, in some ways the effects are similar to effects you may have found in the Second System; but the cause is different (though related). There, it was your distinction between me and thee that could cause the trouble; here, it is your distinction between mine and thine that is unclear.

Let's take a specific example. Suppose you were raised to believe that the cap must be put back on the toothpaste when one is done with it. Suppose your spouse was not. Now, here you are, one insisting that the cap be replaced and the other determined that it isn't necessary and that you are an old fuddy-duddy for thinking it is. Worse, this is an important matter to you and, to your spouse, it just isn't worth the trouble.

The solution, of course, is to simply buy your own toothpaste.

These attacks on your boundaries are wearing. Exposure to people who don't respect your boundaries will weaken you if you aren't conscious of the need to keep them well-maintained. Maintaining these boundaries—that is, keeping your Seventh Inner Aspect working well—requires a conscious effort, at first. But the benefits in peace of mind and even physical health are well worth it.

The Blame Game

A common boundary failure is to confuse who's responsible for yourself. No one but you can own your successes and failures; no one else can make you angry, late, excluded, or anything else.

The Devil never made you do it.

When you take back ownership of your own feelings, successes, and failures, you strengthen your Seventh Inner Aspect.

You are responsible for the effects your relationships have on you. Have you ever heard (or made) comments like these?

• He makes me so angry!

• She never lets me make my own decisions.

• He made me arrive at the class an hour late.

• They made me feel excluded.

These remarks, and others like them, reflect a tendency of many of us to shift responsibility from ourselves to others. If you didn't do this, the feelings these remarks reflect simply wouldn't exist. But these statements, comforting as they may seem, are lies. Here are sample truths:

• I chose to deal with his attitude by becoming angry.

• I let her make all my decisions, so I won't be blamed when things go wrong.

• I wasn't ready to leave on time, either.

• I make no effort to participate, hoping they will prove their love for me by urging me to.

Humility

Another ailment of System Seven seems to be the opposite of blame; but it is also other-centered, and is another way of deflecting self-responsibility. It is the practice of giving someone or something else credit for your own actions or results, commonly referred to (and extolled!) as Humility.

Examples:

• They gave me the promotion, but who knows why?

• It was just luck.

• Without her, I would be nothing.

Humility is not a virtue, and it is not good for you. Humility disempowers one by removing the credit or ability to do things successfully.

Note the difference between acknowledging one's own successes and implying they are somehow better than another's.

Exercise 7-a

Write down four Inner Aspect I RELATE statements (referring to the way you do, or don't relate to others), Mark statements that indicate successful relations I+. Mark statements that indicate limited or negative relations I-.

Inner Aspect Health

To maintain your Seventh Inner Aspect health, you must maintain your own boundaries—especially when others try to cross them. This may seem like work or even frightening to you—how do you tell your mother that who you date is your business?—but once the boundaries are clear to others, you'll find your life becomes far simpler and more enjoyable.

As long as you view your relationships as being other-centered, there is nothing you can do to change them. It is a rule of life that you cannot force another person to change. Once you learn to see your relationships as being under your control, you can alter your behavior to make those relationships work for you. Consider:

• He seems to get pleasure by seeing me angry; once I stopped getting angry at him, he turned out to be an okay guy.

• I informed her that, from now on, I would like to share in the decision-making, and that if a joint decision turned out to be wrong, we would share in the learning.

• From now on, I will make sure I am ready to leave on schedule; and if he isn't, he can just stay behind.

• I made sure I knew what they were going to do, and that they knew I was interested in participating. Then I showed up. What do you know…they were happy to see me!

Be aware that responsibility is not the same as blame, even blame of self. Suppose you catch a cold from a client whose hand you shook. A blaming person might say, He shouldn't have let me shake his hand if he had a cold! It's his fault I'm sick! The more accurate (and useful) viewpoint is that, out in the world, there are germs and people carrying germs. When you choose to go out into the world, you are exposed to those germs. You aren't wrong to be exposed to a cold, but you are responsible. (You are also responsible to yourself for getting enough sleep and living and eating in a healthful manner so that you seldom get sick from such exposure.)

Once you stop blaming and start taking responsibility for your own actions and results, you'll find all your relationships go more smoothly. When you are bothered by someone else or someone else's actions, this is a signal that there is something for which you are not taking responsibility.

A person who takes responsibility for himself or herself is relaxed and fun to be with.

Integral Field

In your Seventh Field you will find each relationship you have—to each person, place, event, expectation, object, and so on and on and on. Important relationships (like those to your parents, friends, children, pets) take up the majority of patterns in this field. Minor relationships—to rocks in your yard, to birds that rest on the power line outside your door, to nearby stars and not-so-near stars—take up only miniscule patterns, but they are there.

Relationships that are doing well, form patterns that are high-frequency. To the sensitive person, they feel light and fluffy. Painful relationships and relationships involved in trauma form low-frequency patterns. They feel hard and dense.

Unhealthy Field

A person with an unhealthy Seventh Field has no important relationships in his or her life. That is, at an extreme, his or her relationship to a parent or child has no stronger an energy pattern than his or her relationship to a rock in the yard.

We all rationalize why our lives have the shape they do; but the energy is the energy. It doesn't matter whether the lack of significant relationships is because of the weak Field, or if the Field is weak because of the lack of significant relationships. One thing is certain: If the Field is weak, you can not maintain a relationship for very long or to any depth. Many times you view your needs in a relationship through clouded vision and false hopes. You may feel, "They will change once we are together", or "Its isn't his fault he didn't mean to hurt my feelings". People are responsible for what they say and do and so are you for what you say and do in your relationships. When you clear out old patterns of responsibility for yourself in relation to others you gain back your own sense of intergity!

So, you might refer to yourself as a "loner"—even proudly, since that's the way we rationalize these things. You may convince yourself that you don't need friends or even that you're better off without them.

Does this mean that every unmarried or unattached person has a weak Seventh Field? Of course not. Marriage and attachment are not found on everyone's path. But a feature of Humanity is that we are social creatures; if you had intended to be a non-social person, you might have been born somewhere else but it would not be Earth. As this workshop is designed for Humans, we can tell you that it is optimal for you to have a range of companions; not having such a range indicates a weakened Seventh Field.

Exercise 7-b

Write down four I RELATE statements referring to your relationships, Mark strong relationships with F+; Mark unhealthy or painful relationships F-.

Field Health

"To have a friend, be a friend." This truism presents the most powerful way we know to increase the energy and health of your Seventh Field.

It doesn't matter who owes what; it doesn't matter what's been done to you in the past or will be done in the future. To energize this field, behave as a friend to those you would have as friends.

Acknowledge your own responsibility in every one of your relationships. Maintain and celebrate the distinct boundary between yourself and others. Remember, your actions are your own. Their actions are theirs; and for their own reasons, not because of you!

You may require lengthy processing to re-evaluate all your relationships, but it will be time well-spent.

Re-Evaluation of Your Relationships

Just as habitual programs (patterns) can get stuck in the Mental Field, and programmed emotions can get stuck in the Emotional Field, so can relationship patterns stick in the Integral Field.

The core of all relationship problems is dishonesty—redirecting yourself-responsibility to someone else—so, of course, these problems are problems with your integrity. You must learn to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others; and, how can you have a relationship with others if you are not honest with them?

Relationship patterns are usually past-based. For example:

• My mother was afraid of lightning, so I'm afraid of lightning.

• I keep telling the same story about my sister…often to the same people!

• I keep attracting the same, negative people.

By definition, a relationship pattern is repeated. To release the pattern, you must locate the first time the patterned activity occurred. As with other patterns, that first time may, itself, be part of a deeper pattern. So, once you've found that first time, you check to see if it is a pattern.

Also, be aware that the original patterning may have occurred in another lifetime. Don't look for answers there, however, until you've exhausted every other present-life possibility.

Exercise 7-c

This exercise is best performed with a "neutral partner"—this is, one you do not have a relationship with, or, at least, relationship problems with. This partner will repeat the phrases below, in the order specified, speaking them without emotion.

You, as the person taking the exercise, should select a person or relationship that "bothers" you: One that is uncomfortable or painful to you. Identify a specific behavior of that person's that is troublesome, and then select the earliest occurrence of that behavior you can recall. Your partner then proceeds with the script:

Questions asked by neutral partner:

1. What bothers you most about this person? (If nothing, stop exercise.)

2. How often does this happen?(If it does not recur, go back to question one.)

3. Has this happened before with someone else? (If yes, go back to question one.)

4. How are you responsible for it? (Repeat until the subject takes responsibility.)

5. Does this still bother you?(If yes, go back to question three.)

6. Have you done this to anyone else? (If no, go to question one.)

Sample proceeding:

Finding Your Communication

Referring to the Systems chart in Workshop Zero, please note that the parabolic plane for System Seven extends from a point just at the throat.

Communication as a System

Your Seventh System allows and supports your actual relationships. Since we relate by communicating, the Seventh System can also be seen as your primary method of communication—and of what you communicate.

Your Second System is composed of emotions; your Seventh System may relate those emotions to others.

Your Sixth System is composed of stories; your Seventh System may tell those stories.

And so on.

Unhealthy System

A person with an unhealthy Seventh System may have a feeling of not being heard. He or she may have a voice that is too loud or too soft. (If he or she is a Sign Language speaker, gestures might be made too wide or unclearly for Sign Language readers to make out.) A perennial sore throat or swollen glands are also symptoms.

Exercise 7-d

Write down four I RELATE statements referring to the communications you relate, Mark items that indicate successful communication with S+; Mark items that indicate unsuccessful communication S-.

System Health

To increase the health of your System of Communication, you must keep your vibrational frequency as high as possible. That is done through meditation. Proper diet, rest, and exercise help as well.

How can you tell what your frequency is? It's easy: The higher it is, the more successful you will be in communicating; the lower, the less successful you will be.

One of the best methods of assisting the System of Communication is to do vocal warm-ups. When you are ready to learn how to do them, click the Next button below.